I love celebrating a birthday, whether it’s mine, Dave’s, the boys or family it’s a great way to spoil someone with gifts you know they will love….. hopefully!
However parents with Autistic and Fragile X children will know that celebrating a birthday with them can be a challenge. For a start they really do not like the ‘Happy Birthday song’ so don’t even attempt to sing it unless you want a meltdown or slamming doors, or worse a punch because your child is trying to get away as quickly as possible. We have celebrated many birthdays where it’s almost been silent because we don’t want to get the boys even more anxious than they are. THAT song has triggered many anxiety attacks over the years so we just don’t sing when the birthday cake comes out.
Buying presents is another headache. I mean what do you get a man that still loves Thomas the Tank Engine, Toy Story and other Disney films, but also loves motor racing. The one thing that we do love in this house is the Apple iPad, it has been a revelation to Jack and is also a great teaching tool. He will often repeat a sentence from a film and is now using words appropriately when I ask him something, such as:
Me: Are you ok? Jack: Yes I’m okay thanks!
I know there are debates on seeing children using iPads in restaurants or looking at their parent’s phones but for me they have been a life safer. If I am standing in a queue with Jack I will give him my phone which immediately calms him down and can stop an anxiety attack. We have two iPads in this house, one that was a gift to me quite a few years ago and one that my friend Rebecca gave to Jack as a back-up. We could do with at least two more to ensure that when the battery runs out on one we have another one ready to be used but they are so bloody expensive it’s never going to happen so if you have one spare please do let me know!
Jared likes a party, he likes dressing up and having a good time and we have celebrated those milestones – 18, 21 and 30 with family and friends, and he has enjoyed himself, but no birthday cake or ‘that song’. With Jared in particular we have to constantly reassure him that he is going to have a great time and that it’s only his family and friends that he is seeing so we know once people arrive he will have a fab time.
I remember on his 18th birthday Jared had decided he wanted a ‘Scottish’ themed party as he was obsessed with Scotland at the time – don’t ask me why! He wanted everyone to wear something tartan and all the men to wear kilts. On the day in question England were playing in the world cup and it had gone to penalties, Jared was very anxious and decided he wanted to ‘cancel’ the party because we had lost our match on penalties. He stomped upstairs and I followed and told him I was going to send everyone home but he did need to put his kilt on so I could take a picture. Well he did and then guests arrived and he absolutely had the most amazing time ever. This is the only time I have seen him a little drunk, as we had made Pimms and he thought it was Ribena…….
Another funny moment with Jared was when we had all gone to Texas to stay with our friend who was living there at the time. July 4th (Jared’s birthday) is a holiday in the USA and we had gone to a BBQ with live bands, Jared asked why there was so many people there and we told him it was because they knew it was his birthday, he believed us and thought it was amazing so many people had come to see him… but no song!
Jared and Jack both have their birthdays in July and Alexandra was also a July baby, so for me it’s a time for celebration and also reflection, mourning my baby girl who never grew up.
So no Happy Birthday song, no cards for Jack – he puts them straight in the bin, and I am still trying to think what I can get them both.
If I could choose their song then it would be the Beatles…..
You say it’s your birthday
It’s my birthday too
You say it’s your birthday
We are gonna have a good time……
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cs5vUfddkT8
Sonia and the FX Boys 