It has taken me a while to want to write as I feel I am inside a Sci-Fi novel as a character and there are millions of us all in this same book.

So where do I start?

We were so lucky to have a short break in Dubai in January spending time with our friends who live there, however watching the news and reading the papers we could see something was kicking off but did not really take the news in or comprehend what was actually taking place in China.  When we boarded our plane back to the UK there were a number of Chinese nationals onboard with face masks on and still, I thought WTF?!

The last time I saw the boys was in February and that feels like a lifetime ago.  Jared and Jack have coped incredibly well and that is because they have an amazing care team supporting them twenty-four hours a day.  These unsung heroes are there all day every day trying to fill each new day with things to do, and to engage and interest them can be a challenge for anyone, but knowing that your sons have short attention spans, can be prone to having an anxiety attack or a seizure and need immediate assistance from someone who is not their Mum or Dad can be challenging, but not for these people caring for my sons, they have become Mum and Dad filling in when we are not there, and calming and reassuring them when they do not fully understand what is going on must be incredibly difficult.  Jared has some idea of what is going on in the world because unfortunately he does watch the news.

Jared’s care team showed him how we could FaceTime each other which has been brilliant and we do this weekly and seeing Jared has helped me knowing he is safe and secure in his home he shares with his care team and the other three boys he lives with.  We normally have 15 minutes of laughter via the link with my husband Dave being silly and Jared calling him names – his favourite being plonker!  However, he did become extremely anxious one evening after watching the news and proceeded to try and FaceTime me over the course of 4 hours along with all his other Facebook friends who were then texting me to see if Jared was okay.

Jack seems to have actually coped a little better, even though he is non-verbal it would seem he has managed to stay in a ‘happy place’ mentally and again this is because of the brilliant care provided in his home setting.  So, I would really like to big up http://www.cavendishcare.com and @Mitchells Care Homes Ltd.

So how have I been……

Each morning feeling as if my throat is sore, or I have a cough, or I have a fever – actually I have none of these, but every day I wake up and think is this it am I getting the virus today, all irrational thoughts, but how many people are thinking like me?

My own mental health has been a challenge, and my feelings are extreme at the moment.  You almost feel a physical pain and it’s like losing a piece of yourself.

I am constantly thinking will I ever see all my sons, my Mum and Dad, and my extended family again.  If I die no one can come to my funeral – why am I thinking like this, I won’t be alive to know anyway!!  I know my spirit will carry on, but no one will be able to say goodbye to me.  I know it’s me grieving as I have had my normal life taken away and a good friend sent me a link which is an extremely good read and makes you understand that the discomfort you are feeling is a form of grief.

https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief

So, some facts on mental health…….

One in 4 will experience a mental disorder in their lifetime

Our happiness curve dips to its lowest point between the ages of 46 – 55, I think its longer?

Unlike previous generations we are now talking about it – thankfully.

Anxiety can come out of nowhere it can bite you big time on the backside and leave an impression that will stay with you forever.

Don’t feel afraid, talk, ask for help if you can, do not be alone in coping with these feelings, by talking you will be amazed how many others are in ‘your’ boat or are feeling just like you.

Depression is incredibly common – I don’t mind being common!

Feeling blue is pants, although blue in spirit world means to protect, just like the NHS.

Constant bad news and negative reporting every day, even when on the news they said the numbers seemed to have slowed……. Good news?  No, the reporter then said do not believe this?! The news reporters then discuss the rise of mental health problems in our society and how the news is affecting us!  Jesus what is wrong with the press they are actively contributing to my mental health state.  And the latest bit of news – Ministers were warned the ‘stay at home’ messaging might have been too successful today amid fears ‘coronaphobia’ could stop the country getting back up and running – you could not make this up people!!!!!!

Facebook is also full of fake news so that I am now on it for 30 seconds before I have had enough, and Messenger and WhatsApp where you are sent ‘funny’ jokes, songs or films to watch but they are not funny.

So, what have I been doing to curb my own anxieties?

I absolutely love cooking, so I started a little business cooking and delivering freshly cooked meals to the elderly and families in and around where I live in Saltdean, Brighton just as COVID was exploding into our world.  I thought it might be a non-starter, but I now have a list of customers who are ordering weekly and this has helped my mental health a great deal.  Knowing my customers now rely on me to bring them freshly prepared meals is stopping me from completely breaking down and Dave my husband says he can tell I am in my ‘happy place’ when I am cooking as I always have a smile on my face.

So, the future……

 I am incredibly scared that when the lockdown ends it will it be too soon, and should we wait a little longer to ensure that we are actually all safe?  I would rather wait knowing that when we can finally be ‘free’ again we will be safe, our children safe, our families and everyone else safe.

What will we learn from all this time on our own?

Will the world be a better place, or will we just revert back to how it all was, not thinking of others, and still too much time spent on our phones and other gadgets?

Will it make us all better people?

Will we be kinder, more tolerant, grateful, happy with ourselves and others?

Everyone keeps saying we are all doomed with our economy but the whole world will be, we can start by supporting small local businesses, and being grateful for those that have supported our communities in these awful days we all had to endure.  Our local butcher, fishmonger, fruit and vegetable shop and the local pharmacy.  These people have all been incredible and have also provided home deliveries to people who are vulnerable and self-isolating – these people are stars.

And our NHS, well what can I say, on a personal level Jared has been in the ICU on more than one occasion and also the high dependency unit due to his seizures and thankfully has not needed their medical assistance during these strange times.  The strength, composure, support, vulnerability and sheer determination the NHS have shown us all during this crisis has been incredible and when we say THANK YOU every Thursday evening at 8pm by clapping outside our houses it just isn’t enough.

And finally…..

Thank you Captain Tom Moore for just being you, I don’t know you but feel I do as watching you walk all those steps for the NHS and wanting to raise £1k and who ended up raising over £32million you are truly a legend.

So, I like to end with song lyrics and one of my favourite bands the amazing @Foo Fighters with the @Live Lounge Allstars.  This song has been released as a single, with profits from UK streams and downloads going to Children in Need and Comic Relief to help British people affected by the coronavirus crisis.  Profits from international listeners will go to the World Health Organization’s Covid-19 Solidarity Response Fund.

Times like these

I’m the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I, I’m a streetlight shining
I’m a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone

It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again

I, I’m a new day rising
I’m a brand-new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?

It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again

Thank you for reading me, stay safe, stay well, be kind.